All Hallows' Eve 11
by bikelock28
Summary: "Ted, Ted, redhead girl dressed as slutty schoolgirl, ten o'clock," "Barney, I-" "Move, man, move!" Ted raises his arms helplessly as Barney pushes him into the fray." One-shot continuation of the roof party in 7.08 The Slutty Pumpkin Returns. Implied B/R, otherwise T/R, T/B friendship...basically, its some mates messing around fluffily.


**7.08 ****_The Slutty Pumpkin Returns _****is one of my favourite episodes; I think of it as a last-hurrah before the tear-jerking-ness of ****_Tick Tick Tick, No Pressure _****and ****_Symphony of Illumination. _****Anyway, although I said I'd stop doing fluff, this one wanted to be written. It's basically just three friends mucking about at a roof party.**

**T for language and alcohol. I don't own How I Met Your Mother. Hope you enjoy.**

Halloween 

Ted gets talking to the girl Barney pointed out, but- just his luck- she's got a boyfriend, and so he returns half-dejectedly to his bickering friends.

"She's taken," he announces.

Barney donkey-laughs and scoffs, "De-wait for it- nied! Denied!"

He throws his arm around Ted's shoulder and says excitedly, "OK, tiger, we'll still find you a chick. How about…."

"Hey, remember the last time you said that?"

"What?"

"De-nied? D'you remember?"

"Yeah, Ted, I wrote it down in my secret journal full of secrets and flowers. Oh no, wait, I'm not a thirteen-year-old girl like you,"

"You said it the night we met Robin. She threw a drink in my face, remember?

"Did I? Did she?" but Ted can tell that Barney's not really listening, "I'll go on a reconnaissance mission; get an eye of what's on offer here,"

He winks and scampers into the crowd. Ted rolls his eyes amusedly at Robin, grabs a couple of beers and hands one to her.

"This is better than the normal roof parties, right?" he calls above the thumping music.

"Why, because you're not moping around waiting for Pumpkin?"

"Hey!" he realises, "I can finally take this damn costume off,"

He unties the string and takes it off from around his neck.

"It was never funny anyway," Robin says flatly.

"No, but it was…hope, you know. Like, me and the Slutty Pumpkin, and maybe she was The One,"

He looks on the verge of sinking into morose, so Robin pats him on the back and says, "Well, now we know she wasn't, let's hurl it off the roof,"

"Seriously?"

"It's Halloween; things go bump in the night. Why can't that include ten-year-old never-been-funny hanging chad costumes?"

"Fine,"

They each pick up a corner and stand by the side of the roof, and tip the hanging chad over the edge.

"Goodbye, Slutty Pumkpin!" yells Robin as they watch it crash to the pavement four floors below.

They stand side by side in silence for a few minutes, sipping beer and watching the New York night.

"I can't believe Victoria said it was weird for us all to be friends," says Ted suddenly.

"I know, right? I mean, you're the nicest guy in the world, so that's cool, and Barney's…" she glances round to see him prowling after some girl wearing a Cher costume, "…a heartless sociopath who doesn't understand love or relationships, so he wouldn't even know it's weird,"

_A heartless sociopath who you've nearly kissed twice in the last couple of months,_ a voice in Robin's head points out, _whose chest you've been staring at all night because you can remember the taste of his abs under your tongue. Who can crack to up with a wink or a dirty joke, and who gives you butterflies when he says your name._The worst part is knowing that it isn't just the alcohol talking.

Ted laughs. "Exactly. We're all cool, we're all friends- it's no big deal,"

He remembers what else Victoria said, about how their and most of his subsequent relationships ended because of Robin, and how she is far more important to his world than he realises, and how him and her and Barney hanging out together every night just cannot last. He hasn't told anyone about that because- well, Victoria was wrong, right? Sure, there have been a few times when he's been in love with Robin again, and some where he's thought that maybe she feels the same way- and there was that time last year when they almost kissed. And sometimes he freaks himself out by thinking that if he's slept with Robin, and Robin's slept with Barney- does that mean that_ he's_ had sex with Barney? But that's only something he thinks to creep himself out, and he hasn't felt anything but brotherly friendship towards Robin in a long time, and their almost-kiss was because she'd just had a break-up. So it isn't weird. Victoria was wrong.

Ted and Robin's thoughts are interrupted by Barney bounding up to them, eyes glinting (weather it's from excitement or booze is difficult to tell).

"Ted, Ted, redhead girl dressed as slutty schoolgirl, ten o'clock,"

"Barney, I-"

"Move, man, move!"

Ted raises his arms helplessly as Barney pushes him into the fray.

"Man, there are some sluts here tonight!" Barney declares joyfully, leaning on the wall beside Robin. She laughs, them remembers-

"Don't you have a girlfriend?"

"Oh. Right,"

She can't help but feel pleased at his apparent lack of enthusiasm.

"Where even is Nora?"

"Ah, I don't know, actually. Maybe she's at work or something. I mean, I really like her; she's smart and classy and super-hot, but she's not much fun, really. She's all-" he puts on a posh English accent, "Oh, we mustn't lie to each other, Barney," "We mustn't check out the waitress at the restaurant, Barney," "We must have tea with the Queen, Barney," She's not like you, you know?" an idea comes to him, "Hey, box me, Robin, box me!"

"What?"

"You, me, boxing match. Right here, right now," he jumps around, waving his boxing mitts at her.

"You really sure about that?"

She raises her hockey stick to his crotch; he yelps and recoils sharply.

"Jesus Christ! Don't take my balls off!"

"You said you wanted to fight,"

"Yeah, fight, not be castrated. I'll box you for America's honour,"

"We're both Canadian, Barney- we're on the same side," she teases.

"I am _not _a Canadian. I am an American citizen, who has a president, and who likes Bruce Springsteen, and has a sensible-looking passport. Now come on, box!"

She drops her hockey stick and throws a punch at his arm, and he ducks and aims one at her shoulder, but his fist bounces off the padding.

"Aa-aa-ah! What the hell do you have under there? Is that bullet proof?"

"It's hockey protective gear. You must know that, Canada. You are a Canucks fan, right? I'm not sure we can be friends if you're not,"

"Pfft, Canucks. Canadians have such dumb names for sport's teams,"

"Oh, and Yankees isn't dumb, is it? Bengals? Orioles?"

He's shadow boxing her now, his gloves just skimming against her. She hurls a punch at his ribs, and while he's blocking it she knocks the top hat from his head.

"Ha, look, you're already separating from your American ideals,"

Barney retrieves the hat, and jams it on Robin' head. "That's better. I'll let you wear it a while so you can see how awesome it is to be an American,"

He folds his arms smugly, the Ducky Tie still tied to his bicep. A beat passes.

"See, he says quietly, "I always have fun with you,"

Their eyes lock. Barney remembers dancing together at Punchy's wedding, and how seeing that his exuberance was making her smile had made his heart feel frighteningly weightless. He remembers holding her against him and her fingers in his hair, and being afraid. Maybe that was why he'd picked up the phone; he was so Goddamn scared about what would happen with Robin if one of them didn't stop themselves. And now, he stops himself again, nipping the moment in the bud before they get anywhere close to what happened at the wedding.

He punches her arm and she laughs and deflects it, thanking God that the pause has been broken before she did something stupid like- well, it doesn't matter. Because he has Nora, and she has Kevin. And that's fine. And her and Barney are just best friends.

Ted reappears, complaining that- "Man, I keep striking out tonight,"

"Schoolgirl no good?" consoles Robin. Ted shrugs.

"That's why you always bring a second costume," Barney points out, then adds, "Honestly Ted, sometimes it's like you don't _want _to be taught how to live,"

Ted frowns and looks him up and down.

"Coming from a guy wearing shorts and boxing sneakers at-" he checks his watch- "One thirty-three on a November morning, and has a duck tie tied to his arm because he lost a bet which took him five years to set up, just to see his friend's pregnancy boobs. That's how I want to live?"

He makes a good case, and Barney splutters for a bit before shouting, "Hey, it's November! Pinch, pun- oh, shoot, I can't punch in these gloves. Whatever; punch, punch, first of the month, no returns,"

He hits Ted twice on the arm, and then Robin, and soon all three of them are scuffling and giggling together.

"And I'll have my hat back, thank you, Scherbatsky," Barney declares, reclaiming his USA top hat.

"Poor kid begged me to borrow it," he says aside to Ted, "Wanted to see what being an _American _was like,"

"Oh, is that why you're wearing it now? So _you _can see what being an American's like?"

"_TED!_ You're on my side! You hate Canada!"

"I'm no one's side, buddy, I just like teasing you both and watching you piss each other off. I guess it's your Canadian-ness that makes you so alike," he adds, grinning at Robin.

"Right, that's it, Mosby- you, me, box,"

"Barney, do you remember he last time we had a fight? _You punched yourself in the eye,"_

"There you go again, see. "On the fourteenth of July 1982, Barney punched himself in the eye," You're such a girl, Ted,"

"Well, at least I'm not a hoser, hoser,"

"Ted, were this not Halloween and did I not have a duty to get you laid tonight, our friendship would most definitely _be over. _Now clear off and go talk to that, um…"

They all crane their necks to look at the girl.

"Vampire?" guesses Robin.

"Executioner?" suggests Barney.

"Marilyn Manson?" supplies Ted.

"Whatever she is, she's slutty. So get going,"

* * *

Ted does end up with the vampire/executioner/Marilyn Manson that night, and when he wakes up in the morning he feels much better about the Pumpkin debacle.

After Barney's weird fight with his Canadian self (he must've had a lot more to drink that he thought) his apartment seems very quiet, so he listens to Born In The USA a few times over, like an American dude does.

Robin falls into bed, contemplating that Barney's outrage at being Canadian was hilariously cute, and how he was right that they always had fun together, and how drop dead gorgeous he had looked wearing only sneakers, shorts, and a USA top hat.

**Thanks for reading, I hope you liked it. Whatever you thought, feedback is much appreciated, so drop a review J**

**Thanks again, have a happy day.**

**PS- Honestly, I will one day get round to publishing something serious.**


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